The story of my childhood is not unlike many others. I grew up in a family that had many expectations—expectations that I unfortunately did not meet.

The difficultly was that I was constantly compared to my older sister, and I always came out second best. In our family, my sister was the golden child. She always did what she was told, never made any trouble, never challenged the status quo.

I, on the other hand, was the opposite. I was always challenging, questioning, and constantly asking why. “Why do I have to do this?” “Why can’t I do this instead?” “Why do I have to wear that?” The word “why” was my favourite word and became my childhood mantra.

In response to unceasing questions, my parents’ answer was always the same: “Why can’t you be more like your sister?”

It was not long before I realised that if I wanted to be accepted and loved, I would need to change who I was and become more like my sister.

I found myself constantly in conflict between expressing aspects of my real personality and meeting the expectations of who everyone else wanted me to be. This constant battle made me feel very inadequate and flawed, and it wasn’t long before the story of “not being good enough”, “not being accepted”, and “not deserving” became my life script.

I played out this script for many years, and it stopped me from pursuing my ideas and my dreams. I believed that if I was flawed and not good enough, then my ideas must also be flawed and inadequate.

So I spent many years trying to “fix myself up”, trying to change my differences and be the same as everyone else. I worked really hard thinking that if I was successful, then I would finally be worthy enough, good enough, and everyone would approve of me.

Not only did this path not work, it landed me in hospital with severe chest pains, shortness of breath, stress, and anxiety. It was a frightening experience where I thought I was having a heart attack.

Fortunately for me, it was only a severe panic attack. However, it was at this moment that I finally said, “Enough!” Enough of living everyone else’s expectations. Enough of not being and doing what I wanted. Enough of feeling that I didn’t deserve, of not being good enough and of being unhappy.

This decision changed my life.

It gave me time to learn about myself and to reassess what I believed in. It gave me the space to question my beliefs about life. It allowed me to change my career direction and pursue meditation and art therapy, among other modalities. It gave me the grace to accept my uniqueness as a gift and not a flaw. It gave me the power to start seeing myself through different eyes.