Kerry was so excited. It was Friday, which meant that her dad was coming home tonight, and she would finally get to tell him all her stories and accomplishments of the week. Kerry’s dad travelled most of the working week as part of his job, but on Friday night, he was home with his family.
As 7.00 p.m. approached, Kerry watched as her dad walked into the family home and greeted both herself and her mother with a kiss before sitting down on his favourite lounge room chair. This was how each Friday night started, with her dad relating stories of how his week went and the adventures and people he had encountered. About an hour later his stories came to an end, and Kerry took this opportunity to relate her own stories about what had happened at school during the week.
With the words, “Sorry love, but I am just too tired, I just want to relax,” Kerry’s storytelling came to an abrupt end—before she had even started. “Can you tell me tomorrow” were words she knew only too well, as they signalled the end of his attention and the dismissal of her storytelling. She knew that tomorrow would never come.
Kerry should not have been surprised by her dad’s comments, as the same scenario played out each Friday night, but Kerry had hoped that this Friday would be different. She hoped that her dad would be interested in her week, what had happened in her life, her accomplishments and her disappointments. Unfortunately, this was not to be the case. It was the same Friday as before, which also meant that it was the same story that played out for the weekend. Saturday was chores day, attending to shopping and other household duties, and Sunday was the rest and relaxation day to get ready for the busy week ahead. There would be no time to just talk and pay attention to her.
So began the story of “I am not important,” which was perpetuated each and every week by her dad’s careless words. A story that would continue to dominate her life, and would crop up each and every time someone dismissed her or did not have time for her. After all, if your own family did not have time for you, why would others?
As humans, we all desire to know and feel that we are important, that we matter, and that we are valued. It is essential to living a purposeful and healthy life. One way of feeling this is to have those closest to us spend time listening and talking with us. This involves taking (and making) the time to really listen.
When this does not happen, it is easy for us to think we are not important, not worthy, and to feel alone. It is this type of thinking that can then lead to feelings of isolation and being unloved. In these unhappy places, we believe that no one cares about us, our concerns, or our issues.
But it is important that we do not stay here. Being valued and validated by family and friends is important to our mental, emotional, and physical wellbeing. It signifies that we belong, that we are loved, and that we matter.
This week’s challenge is to be really conscious of listening to others. To allow others to express themselves and to really give them them the necessary time and attention. To show them that you really care and value them as individuals by giving them one of your greatest resources: your time and undivided attention.
Build the bonds of love, trust, and friendship by your actions, and in so doing, create and reinforce the story of you matter and you are important.
