Julie turned to the mirror, looking at her reflection once again, and sighed. She did not like this yellow dress that she was forced to wear. It was another hand me down from her sister.
Not only did Julie dislike the actual dress but she resented having to wear her sisters clothing that she had grown out of, just because she was younger, just because she was second born and just because her parents could not afford to buy her new clothes.
Julie did not care about the reasons as to why she had to wear the dress, all she cared about was how this dress made her feel, and it didn’t make her feel good.
Julie wanted her own clothes, she wanted to wear clothing she liked. Clothes she had chosen and had picked out. Even thinking about wearing her own clothes brought a smile to her lips.
She looked forward to the day she could make her own money and buy the clothes that she wanted and this thought made her feel really happy.
In the meantime Julie would need to put her needs aside, to wait. Not realising that this experience and memory would start the story of not deserving that she would repeat to herself, over and over throughout her life. The story of putting her needs aside for someone else, of accepting second place, the thoughts of not being important, worthy or deserving.
This story would dominate Julie’s thought patterns, and become part of her beliefs and core identity. The story which told her that there was a hierarchy of needs and that everybody’s needs were higher than her own.
This back story played out first in her marriage and then her children. Julie wanted her husband and children to be happy, so she sacrifice her time, her money, and her dreams to make them happy first. She wanted them to have a good life and she believed that she needed to put them above all desires.
Yes, Julie knew the waiting game very well, because she was always waiting, putting her life and needs on hold to attend to what she believed was more significant, more important and more deserving needs.
Unfortunately this story would continue to play out in Julie’s life. This limiting back story preventing Julie from seeing how worthy and deserving she was. It would prevented her from living her dreams and desires as she would always be putting someone else’s needs first.
Awareness is the key to identifying the back stories running our lives and to become aware if this story of “not deserving” is playing out in our own lives.
Do we always put ourselves second, thinking that someone else’s needs are more important and deserving than our own?
Today’s challenge is do something just for you and put yourself first.
It could be to indulge in some time for yourself by listening to music or going for a walk in a park and connecting to nature and yourself; or it could be buying and making the time to read that book that inspires you; or spending some time creating art, listening to a meditation, or begin working on that fabulous idea and dream you have been thinking about.
The purpose of this challenge is to do something you enjoy, because you deserve to be happy and live a fulfilled life.
Deborah Ruth
Storyteller
