The Story Of “I Feel Guilty”

Jill loved being a mother and loved her son, Seth. He was such a great source of joy and happiness.

Jill took her responsibilities of motherhood seriously, ensuring that he ate healthy foods, got enough sleep, was clean and bathed, and she enjoyed spending time with him.

However, just being a mother did not fulfil, Jill. She also loved her job. As a lawyer, she cherished the mental stimuli and challenges of her work. She relished in finding solutions to problems and tackling issues from a different angle. For Jill, her secular work made her feel alive and gave her purpose.

The fulfilling of both her role as a mother and as a career professional weighed heavily on her mind.

Jill felt guilty each time she dropped Seth off at day care, and she went to work. She could not shake the thoughts and feelings of being a bad mom, of being selfish and looking after her own needs.

Each day Jill drove to day care, she kept replaying the same story of “I feel guilty”.

Most of us feel guilt from time to time. It is part of our human nature and completely normal. From not spending enough time with those we love to saying unkind words to another person to cheating on a partner.

Guilt is the feeling most people have after doing something wrong as it usually relates to their own moral code.

However, guilt is not necessarily bad. 

Guilt helps you acknowledge your actions and can fuel your motivation to improve how you act. It can lead to change.

The guilt that is damaging is unhealthy guilt. This stems from mistakenly assuming responsibility when you shouldn’t, “beating yourself” up for things, or not setting clear boundaries with others. This guilt only serves to make you “feel bad” and has no rational purpose.

It is this negative belief around guilt that causes mental health issues such as anxiety, lack of sleep, stress, lack of motivation, and dissatisfaction in life.

So, this week’s challenge is to examine your feelings of guilt. Is your guilt feelings trying to teach you something rational and helpful about your behaviour—to become a better person? Or is it emotional, out of your control, irrational, and an out of proportion response to a situation?

If you discover your feelings of guilt are justified, it is better to accept them and use them to behave more positive in the future—to make amends and grow emotionally, so you can live your life differently.

However, if you find your feelings of guilt are unhealthy, know this is misplaced guilt.  As always, recognising unhealthy guilt is the first step to combating it.

Other steps include looking for evidence if your feelings are ground in fact or needless self-punishment, engaging in positive self-talk, and reminding yourself that you are not to blame for things out of your control.

If you determine that you guilt is unhealthy, then make a conscious decision to let go of it.

Remember, feelings of guilt are an invitation to grow.

Either you grow from learning to do better next time, or you grow from learning to develop self-love, self-care and self-forgiveness.

Forever creating

Deborah Ruth