The Story of “You Are Never There for Me”

Belinda stared at her ringing mobile, trying to decide whether she should answer it or not.

The caller was one of her close friends, Tamara, ringing with no doubt another favour to ask of her again. It seemed that every time Tamara rang, she only did so when she was having a personal drama and wanted help.

Belinda did not resent or not want to be there for Tamara when she needed her, or when there was a crisis, but over the past two years, Belinda had noticed that it was very much a one-sided relationship.

Every time Belinda had needed Tamara, she had not been there. Earlier that year, Tamara had not come to see her in hospital, had not supported or encouraged her new business venture, and had not been there with any emotional support.

Every time Belinda had reached out, Tamara had not been available, or when she was and Belinda started to open up, Tamara would quickly turn the conversation back to herself, saying “Oh… that reminds me of” or “That is what happened to me the other day”.

Belinda felt unheard, unsure, and very insecure of whether Tamara would actually be there when she needed her.

She felt used as the story of “you are never there for me” kept repeating over and over in her mind.

Friendship is all about being able to lean on each other and helping them out when they need you and lifting them up when they are feeling down.

However, this should be a two way street, and it should be balanced. Friends should have no doubt of their willingness to help each out when possible.

A friend who constantly is unavailable or fails to reciprocate and keeps taking and not giving is not a true friend.

Their actions can make you start questioning yourself, whether you are too needy and whether the fault lies with you. This type of self talk can lead to damaging your self worth and self image.

It can leave you feeling emotionally drained as you constantly put in the time and energy into the friendship and get nothing back in return.

So, this week’s challenge is to identify if you have any unbalanced, one-sided friendships and to think about what you get from the relationship. If it’s nothing, it may be time to consider why you are there.

Friendships take work and effort. They are about giving and taking.

We all have limited time and energy, and who we devote it to in a relationship and friendship is someone who should deserve it and who also gives it to us.

But, above all, the most important friendship and the one you absolutely need to nurture and protect is the one you have with yourself. Put and protect that first.

Forever creating,
Deborah Ruth