Amanda just couldn’t believe it. After so many years of friendship, her best friend Tanya had not been there for her when she needed her the most.
Tanya had slowly been withdrawing from their friendship ever since Amanda had gotten engaged, refusing to come to her engagement party and not wanting to spend any time with her at all. Tanya always seemed to have an excuse for why she was unavailable.
Amanda felt betrayed, deceived, and used—but above all, she felt angry. Angry that Tanya had abandoned her. Angry that she had given so much to their friendship, and angry that Tanya had not been a good friend.
But, behind all her anger, Amanda felt hurt. All of the good memories of their friendship now brought her pain—memories of helping Tanya out with her school work, with her boyfriends, with money, with finding a job. Yes, Amanda was angry that she had been there for Tanya on so many occasions, but when she needed Tanya in return, she was not around.
Amanda could not escape the annoying thought running through her mind: “You owe me.”
And with this thought began the story of “What’s in it for me?”
We all know people who only do things in the hope of getting something in return. Whenever we deal with these people, we always question their motives whenever they ask or want something from us.
These are the individuals we refer to as ‘users’, those who we know are only in it for what they can get out of us.
For many of us, we know the pain and hurt that comes from believing in someone—supporting them, trusting them—only to have that love and trust betrayed.
It is this pain that cuts the deepest because we have given so much and they have let us down. It is this pain that makes us withdraw our trust and love. It keeps us at a distance and stops us from loving someone else. When we get hurt, we automatically put up our defences so that we won’t feel the pain and hurt again.
Ironically, in putting up our defences—in questioning their motives and looking for “what’s in it for them”—we also stop the love from coming in.
This week’s challenge is to discover what walls and defences you have put up that are stopping you from receiving what you truly want. These defences and walls affect every aspect of your life—and if you can’t trust and love others, you will find it extremely hard to trust and love yourself.
So look at the walls that you have put up. Look at what you are protecting yourself from. Perhaps it is rejection, loss, or even being taken advantage of. Whatever the case, be aware of the walls you have put up and see if they are still relevant and serving you.
Only if you have the courage to break down those walls and allow yourself to be vulnerable will you allow what you want to come into your life.
Forever creating,
Deborah Ruth
